My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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