38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
