I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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