office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
