two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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