Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
