dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
