This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if only i could text you this smell
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize