My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
