HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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