I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
