If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
