Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
