Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My liver just broke up with me...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
