peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Text me some of your sweat
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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