I am puke
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
