take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize