matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
