perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you win again, gameday.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
