Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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