She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
