Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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