one two three fourrrrnication!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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