You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
