So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
