guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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