He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize