ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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