im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
