How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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