i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
