We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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