I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
