Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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