I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
