I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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