well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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