Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
