Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
