I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
