The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize