I have demons in me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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