A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
