She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
