I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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