If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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