I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
