And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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