worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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