1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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