New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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