Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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