this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need water and some morals
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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