My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
