Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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