I'm eating all of the evidence.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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