tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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