i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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