The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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