can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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