Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
