So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
