I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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