I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
should my penis look like a turkey
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize