My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
