His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
