So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
