I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
