you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
