he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
