those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize