that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
