3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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