I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
