Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
