so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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