Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
