its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
