i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
