Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
