Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize