People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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