i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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