Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
