ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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