He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
