Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We talked him into tasing himself.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
