There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
