I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
