I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
