Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
