the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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