i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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