Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
