Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
