JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so let's talk penis.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize