I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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