Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
