This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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