I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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