I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Life is so much better after having sex.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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