a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
