glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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