getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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