Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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