there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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