I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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