You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
