Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
