he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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