Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
