i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
