My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
