After last night, I could never be a politician.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
