Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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