maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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