Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
